Sunday afternoon

The fact that I have not posted since Dec. 31 is reflective of how these past weeks have gone. Although I love the work that I am doing in my new position at the newspaper (copy editor) it seems that it has been all-work-all-the-time. I have been exhausted and overwhelmed.

Recently I went to the emergency room after work on Friday. The emergency room because it was already 7:40 and other places are closed then. My shoulder and arm were so painful that I thought I might be having a heart attack. I knew for sure that I could not sleep that night unless I did something. So, I had the EKG, the blood test for heart information -- my heart is fine. The problem was muscular. I took a painkiller. I changed the chair I sit in at work. I had a flexible keyboard tray installed. I am trying, each hour, to get up and walk around and loosen up.

And I am trying to change some things about the way my work is done to make the flow more efficient, to make things simpler.

Jordie is also incredibly busy, and really likes his work with Gan Shalom (the preschool at our synagogue) and likes taking care of Henry (the 90-something-year-old professor). I think he is very fulfilled by both things. And yet, very busy.

My mom needs me more than I am currently giving. She feels lonely, I think, and the cure for that would be more activity, but she is slowed down by pain from her "frozen shoulder."

Abby and I have been fighting lately, and in the past few days, I have tried to consciously let go of the need to be right, right, right -- and to trust her more and trust that she has to make decisions for herself. When I do step back a little from the being authoritarian, things seems to work much better. And when I stop being a nudge, I am able to see what a capable, talented and wonderful girl she is.

Just getting anything done feels like walking through mud -- so difficult.

And getting more exercise...I need to do it but I am so tired, mentally as well as physically.

Things are going to get much busier with the synagogue, and I am trying to be mentally ready for that. We had a great board meeting the other night, and I was thinking how much doing work with the synagogue means to me.

Yet, there are friends whom I have not called, visits I have not made, and people who I want to invite over, to strengthen our ties, and I have not done that.

Sometimes, I sit for a few minutes in my little office, watching the ice sparkle on the branches of the dogwood tree outside my window, lit magically by the streetlight outside. And breathe slowly.

There is nothing in my life that I would give up. Somehow I must learn to balance it better, or to get more energy.

But for right now, I'm going to take a nap.