Thinking about Alabama

Waiting on my husband while he gets checked out for a bad reaction to some medication. And thinking.

Why would someone wait for 40 years to talk about being molested or assaulted?

Several things. 

First, a woman can pretty much assume her reputation will be trashed. In college, we used to talk about how, if we got raped, we would hesitate to report it, because our whole past would be brought out and then our parents would find out we’d been sleeping with our boyfriends. The woman who was 14 when Roy Moore molested her has been quoted as saying “I’m no angel.” Who the heck made the rule that to be believed, a woman would have to be perfect? 

Second, the fear of losing job opportunities or getting sued. For years, I spoke very tentatively about my own experience because I was afraid he would sue me. And people who have less money and power are afraid to confront people with more money and power. I was in my early 20s when it happened to me, and my reaction was to find a job at Rudi’s Bakery, completely different from being a secretary. In the case of the woman from Alabama, she said that the experience resulted in her feeling guilty and making bad decisions. So that affected her whole life.

Third, I think people have a real need for things to just be NORMAL. I see this over and over when friends describe their experiences with elderly parents. People do not want to admit to themselves that something is wrong. And I think it is the same with being molested or assaulted. People don’t want their life to be all about that bad experience — they just want it to go away.

Actually, I think we as a country may have a bad case of that. We cannot believe that all the bad stuff with our government is actually happening. We just want it to be normal and for the people in government to do what they should. Over and over, we are surprised that bad things are happening. We don’t want to believe what is in front of us.