Not an omen for the New Year!

Today is not, and I repeat not, going to be an omen for how the New Year will go!

Although today has been, to put it mildly, a little crazy, I am going to go home, smile, relax and be mellow for the beginning of 2008 -- and bring in the New Year with hope, optimism and calm!

A snapshot of today:

• Started work on the Get Out calendar at work
• Heard there was trouble with Media Grid, worried that the photos I put through Friday to be ready early to use today would not be in the system. I was right. They were not. Decided to worry about that later. Because I could not start work on the Neighbors page for Wednesday until I was finished with the Get Out calendar stuff, anyway.
• Suddenly, my friend and colleague Barb rushed to the bathroom, saying she had a nose bleed. That was an understatement. She bled a lot, and it kept bleeding. I took her to the emergency room, where her partner Amy met us. They both said for me to return to work, that Amy would hang out with Barb, so I did.
• But I was so rattled when I did that as I was entering items into the online calendar, I forgot to put "2008" instead of "2007," and so a number of things did not get entered onto the calendar.
• Amy called and said that Barb was doing OK and that she would come back to work Wednesday. (She wanted to come back today, but Dawn told her to go home and rest, that Dawn had done the TV page and that Rod was doing the eddy page.)
• Oh, and I took a break for a couple minutes, to clear my mind, and I checked out myspace. Amalia has a bunch of darling new photos from the Megsmalia "Chrismukkah" party. I clicked on David's picture and discovered that, although I cannot look at his myspace page, I could send him a myspace message. So, on the spur of the moment, I did that, just asking about when we will see David and Amalia on Jan. 20, when they are in Indianapolis for the wedding of one of David's friends -- if I could have his mom's email so I could ask what we could bring. (Now, in retrospect, that does make sense for me to ask that, because wouldn't it be silly for me to ask Amalia to ask David to ask his parents what we should bring? And I would absolutely hate to show up emptyhanded!)
• But then, in between everything else, I got all worried. What if Amalia (and David) think it is incredibly pushy of me to send him a myspace message? Did I overstep? Am I a pushy, crazy mom?
• Then I got a call from Abby which I won't go into here, other than I was worried about what she was up to (although it turned out she had talked to her dad and all was well).
• Dawn offered to help me out and do the Neighbors page for Wednesday.
• I heard that the prepress dept. was gone for the day and no photos could be processed today.
  
• Dawn and I discovered that part of the photos I had planned to use for Wednesday's page had come through, and part not. So we talked about what to use.
  
• We had to leave the page on Janice's chair with one photo still to be put on by the night crew tomorrow night.
  
• I went through and fixed all the calendar entries that I had earlier screwed up.
• I finished editing the calendar stuff.

And now, I am out of here, to go home and forget this day and be mellow. Except for one thing. It feels so good to be surrounded by my working teammates. Each of them is so encouraging when something is screwed up. And each of them works really hard. It's a really collaborative atmosphere. I am inspired and encouraged by the people who surround me at work.

So, I will take the kindness and flexibility of my desk-mates today as a good omen for the year to come, and I will go home and cuddle and be mellow and relax, and talk to Jordie about things to come in the New Year...and I will call my mom and each of the kids and tell them I love them and to have a good, good year...

Sigh. A long, slow, breath.

Happy New Year.

Sunday with the fam

Jordie, Adam and Abby at Paoli Peaks this afternoon.






The kids got up and Jordie had made hardboiled eggs and toast. We all sat around and ate breakfast and took off for Paoli Peaks. I decided not to actually go tubing because my back has been kind of sore lately. I hung out in the lounge and knitted, read the Sunday NY Times and daydreamed while they tubed for two hours...then, we drove a few miles to French Lick and had lunch at the big buffet there. Jordie, who is notoriously picky about and usually doesn't like restaurants, said that they had the best shrimp he had ever had! The food was really good and we had such a good time hanging out. Of course we stopped by West Baden to look at the magnificent hotel dome after we left.

I think Jordie and I are staying home quietly for New Year's, and I hope that will give us an opportunity to talk a lot. I'd like to be able to kind of re-define our goals as a couple, talk about what's important, what we need to give time to, possibly think about future travel plans...life has been so busy and intense this fall that I feel it's easy to let things slip by....too easy. So talking, with some real time to talk, will be really good. And a good start to the New Year.

The Chanukah Song (Part 1)

Making Trouble trailer

Got this video in an email from the Jewish Women's Archive.

Just keeping on

I am so tired. Really tired. I am going to bed in a minute and cuddle under the comforter. Amalia is downstairs hanging out with Abby and Alice and Savvy. I didn't get home till after 8 tonight. Andrea told me that even though I am learning new stuff, that it should be on company time, not on my time. But I am stubborn and I wanted to finish my own pages, not have somebody help me.

I have been busy for the past couple of days -- Thanksgiving, family visiting, work...and then a dear man from our synagogue, George Gaber, died Wednesday night and with Mira and Madi both out of town, I have been doing some phone calling and list-making to help with funeral plans...it is amazing to me how people at Beth Shalom come together and support each other and are so glad to volunteer for whatever is needed...it's really a warm and enveloping community.

I am glad to be a part of it and it feels good to be needed.

And, a wonderful thing...Amalia spotted my purple pashmina (well, faux pashmina, but I love it because I did, after all, buy it from a street display in Paris!) right downstairs hanging over a chair. I have been looking and looking for that all week, and feeling sad that I had lost it...and it feels so cuddly and warm now.

Sweet dreams to me and to you!

Couldn't believe it...

This is how backward Indiana can be. Amalia picked Abby up from school today, and armed with a list, they went to Kroger's together to shop for Thanksgiving. And Amalia had several bottles of wine. They wouldn't let her buy it because Abby was with her! Amalia is TWENTY-FIVE years old! They wouldn't even let Amalia come back by herself to buy the wine.

When I was exclaiming in disbelief on the phone at this story, several of my co-workers said to me that similar things had happened to them or to people they know. That is ridiculous.

Wonder if they stop people from buying tobacco products if a kid is with them, just in case they might hand it to the kid outside the store? Tobacco kills more people than alcohol.

Really Puritan.

Happiness

I'm sitting, going through all the stuff to do today, but meanwhile I am humming, humming and smiling....Amalia is coming home tonight!

It gives me a little prick of sadness that Adam won't be here, too...but I think he is having a good adventure in D.C.

But this morning, driving, I actually got tears in my eyes at the thought of meeting Amalia at the airport tonight!

Can't wait for her to see our living room, with quieter colors, new artwork since she's been home...

Can't wait to have lunch with her and my mom tomorrow...

Can't wait to watch tv and laugh...

I am so grateful for my life today.

This really happened

So, last night, Friday, I stopped after work to pick up some salad stuff at Kroger's to take to Aviva Orenstein and David Szony's house for Shabbat.

It's the end of an intense week, learning my new job duties at the HT, really focusing, forgetting to eat lunch, being so intense that people were asking me if there was something wrong.

So, feeling a little old and tired.

Strolling the produce section at Kroger's.

Suddenly, I spot a guy I THINK I know, and give him a big, friendly smile. Then I get a few feet closer and see --- it is NOT the guy from synagogue that I know. That guy is just a little taller and a little thinner than this guy.

But he is smiling, too.

I said "Oh, we don't know each other, do we? I thought you were this professor I know..."

He, still smiling, said "No, we don't know each other, but I think we should."

I said something inane and laughed and moved on...but I can tell you -- that little encounter left me smiling for a long time! Made my day! No, my week!

I felt younger for quite awhile!

Mind-numbingly tired and sad

Arrived at 7:30 this morning; we're a one-car family till that ignition problem in the van gets fixed. Did one, simple Neighbors page. Only it wasn't so simple, as I learned when Dawn proofed my page and it was full of red marks! And it looked so easy when Mercy did it last week, teaching me. Learned some stuff about compiling a big calendar I'll be doing. Learned more about compiling info for Neighbors pages. Learned that my computer is not set up to print the page to the Output stage, as it should. So that's the tired part.

Heard that Kurt, from the newsroom, has a type of lung cancer -- a really benign kind, if that can be said about lung cancer. So that made people's hearts heavy at work today. I can't stop thinking how unfair it is. Kurt is a kind, decent human being and I hate it that he has to go through that...

Andrea was really nice to me, checking to see if I was doing OK. And it was in the middle of a tough day for her, trying to figure out the phone mess with the phone company guy.

I arranged my new desk, and really like sitting there. But I am just SO TIRED. And I was so embarrassed that when my page got proofed, there were so many little things to fix. Then I didn't leave work till 6:45. I am now sitting like a zombie in front of the TV.

Live and learn. I hope.

Just let that light turn green already!

Me in my office, Friday, Nov. 9. Moving to another desk over the weekend.

The past few days. Well. Learning some stuff about how to do the jobs I am taking over Monday. Talking to a couple of different people about taking over jobs I have been doing for years. Doing my current work. Cleaning up and sorting stuff out from my desk. Trying to figure out why my office phone number will be on Monday (it is changing to 812 331-4349). So, all this was going on Friday, when the computer guys said "Hey, Lynne, we want to use your computer as a guinea pig and see if you can set it up at the new desk and see if everything works ok..." And Carol got teary-eyed, and so did I, at the thought of having shared an office for the past four years and now, not. And I had spaced out that I had to drive to North high school to pick up Abby, who had had to stay late to make up stuff from being sick this week. And Jordie was still sick with bronchitis at home. So, I'm racing at 4:45 p.m. to get to North, get Abby, get her to Alice's house, get to our house and pick up my dish for the potluck at Beth Shalom and stop by my friend and neighbor Laura Gottlieb's to pick up her disk (which she generously was contributing even though she could not attend the potluck) and then to Beth Shalom. And I got stuck in a huge long line of traffice on Patterson Drive! I had to really focus on breathng slowly! I was about to panic! Luckily, beautiful Phyllis Dumes was there at Beth Shalom, totally gracious and setting up, and Mike and Jen Simpson, busily getting table cloths on...and it all turned out so well -- lots of smiling faces, new people, by the time people walked in at 6 the wine was poured, candles were out on the table, challah, dishes, silverware...and even though Anne Steigerwald was sick, she still sent over her Adam with two big jugs of juice...and Michael Simpson set out ice water. Much good food on the tables. Much fun visiting around. Convivial and kind and home-y. Just the way a Shabbat dinner should be.

But I am so glad this week is over. I know next week is going to be challenging and a little sad. No more editorial page work for me, and that's been my baby for years. But new challenges are good and I'm already making lists of what I have to do...

And I am so going to be more observant about Shabbat. I am thinking of it lately as a golden shining space of bliss and I'm not going to let errands and laundry and stuff to do take it away from me any more. I am going to give myself Shabbat. That's a promise.

A long day...

It is almost 11, and I am soon to bed. Thank God. This is just the kind of day that I would have emailed to tell Kit about. I miss her so much, more now than when she died last winter. She understood me, and that I am a person with weaknesses, but still loved me.

I am feeling all those weaknesses tonight. I am so tired that it seems a chore to get out of this chair and go to bed. Abby sits in the other chair in my office, doing her homework. She is a nightbird, no doubt about it.

I worked really hard at my job today, playing catch-up from being sick with a tummy bug yesterday (even though I did do some work from home on the computer). Had lunch with Shirley, Barb and Carol K. at Panera -- soup tasted perfect and was good for my upset tummy!

I left work, drove to North to get Abby. We drove to Redbud to have dinner with my mom and Betty. Then, I drove Abby to Hobby Lobby to get facepaint for her acting class doing "Living Statues" at the Farmers Market Saturday. Then to Bloomingfoods to get her Lotus tickets. Then to the library to return her CDs. Then I dropped her off at home. She let out the dog and took a nap, while I went back to my mom's to go over some information with her. (Mom was very anxious that I look at her papers and her plans for her funeral; she is having heart catheterization on Oct. 10 and is worried about it.) Then I went to Kroger's to get trash tags so the trash can get picked up tomorrow morning. Then, at home I took out the two trash cans, added some stuff. Then I got inside and talked on the phone to two moms whose daughters are coming down to visit Abby for Lotus this weekend.

Now I am going to read a novel for a few minutes and fall gratefully asleep. As I was writing, the thought of Kit never getting to be involved with her kids, never being overwhelmed with stuff to do, never laughing over the trials of our lives together again...

Well, she would have laughed with me over a day like this has been. I would have quoted my old boss, Shirley, one more time: "Thank God, Lynne, for your messy, busy, demanding life. It's what has made you flexible and able to laugh!"

Good night.

Amalia's new haircut!

Ruth Goldstein -- a tribute

One bummed-out mama

Adam has been sick this past week.

And that has made me realize how primal the parenting experience is. And how things can seem OK, and then suddenly one can be turned into a sniveling, miserable mess.

Because Adam has been sick. And Adam is in Washington, D.C., and I am here. Rather, we are here. And so Adam has been the recipient of a bunch of worried-parent calls, from both of us.

The frustrating thing is that we had just dropped Adam off in D.C. and had left to drive back home to Indiana, after a really fun weekend there -- spent with Linda and Peter, having brunch with them and our friends Deb Galyan and Mike, Dylan and Liam Wilkerson, helping Adam move in and shop for the apartment in Silver Spring where he is living with three other interns...and by the afternoon of the day we left, Adam called and said he felt feverish and sick.

Linda, a friend of mine for -- let's see, for at least 28 years, ended up taking Adam to a doctor, and because they wouldn't accept the Anthem information over the phone (I had forgotten to get an Anthem card for Adam to have in Washington) Linda paid almost $300 with her credit card, got his medicine and juice, took him home -- and then Saturday night, when he was still sick, took him to the doctor again -- rather, the emergency room -- and was with him till almost 1 in the morning! (None of the tests showed anything, which means he has a virus.)

Just knowing that my friend would do that for our son -- in a way that made me feel wonderful because she is wonderful -- but I had this deep, clutching feeling, too. I understood the phrase "my stomach was in knots." I fell asleep crying Saturday night.

I felt guilty over Linda having to do all that. Really, really guilty.

I felt so worried about Adam.

I felt so helpless.

I kept thinking about how, many years ago, I was supposed to pick Linda up after an evening spent table-sitting at the movie China Syndrome, where she was passing out anti-nuclear literature, and how I forgot to go and get her and she had to call me. I kept thinking "She's a better friend than me!" Omigosh, that was so many years ago! It was really verging on the ridiculous to keep bringing that up to myself -- Linda got over it years ago -- obviously we are still friends.

I had a fight with Jordan over all the stuff in the garage.

I realized that being upset over Adam was the cause of the gut-wrenching anxiety and all the negative thoughts and feelings were stemming from that...

Still, glad this weekend is over. Contemplating what to do to thank Linda and Peter for the upheaval in their lives. And Adam --- I called hiim this morning at 7:20, and asked "Are you on the train?" (to start his internship today) He answered "No, I'm sitting in front of the GAO."

Whew.

column by Lynne

This was in the HT last week.


Thinking about Religion
Kaddish: A prayer to bless

By Lynne Foster Shifriss lshifriss@heraldt.com
July 14, 2007

The Colorado mountains are a good place to reflect on God and life. Lynne Shifriss | Courtesy photo

Let God’s great name be blessed forever and ever...

— from the Kaddish prayer

It’s pretty easy to feel close to God in the mountains of Colorado.

And while on vacation here, I am filled by thoughts that reinforce the meaning of the circle of life:

• A couple of days ago was the yartzeit (anniversary) of my father-in-law’s death.

• Just a few weeks ago I went to a memorial service for a friend — he was only 59 and had been an exuberant dad, a mentor to us when we were all young parents.

• We are staying with an old college friend and his children — his wife, Mary, died six months ago. She and I were kindred spirits since our freshman year in college in 1972.

• Our 20-year-old son sits with his grandmother in the hospital today, where he has taken her so that she can get a needed blood transfusion. Then he will go and play chess with a very elderly friend.

• Yesterday, one of our oldest and dearest friends, at age 57, married a wonderful man in a small beach ceremony in San Diego.

• I have much time to think on this vacation as I knit a blanket to welcome a new baby to the world.

Generations.

Death and life.

Grief and joy.

Mourning and ... going on with life.

That, to me, is the essence of the Kaddish, a prayer that Jews say after the death, and on each anniversary of the death of a loved one.

The Kaddish does not talk about death. Instead, the prayer extols the glory of God and the promise of peace, the goodness of life.

The Kaddish is supposed to be said only during a religious service in which there is a minyan — a group of 10 adult Jews.

Perhaps this is so, I think, because those rabbis of old realized that mourners really need the support of a community (but that’s just my theory, and I’m not a clergyperson).

And yet my husband, daughter and I found ourselves, on the yartzeit of my father-in-law’s death, standing at a 360-degree outlook off Timber Ridge Road, a little above 12,000 feet high in the Colorado Rockies.

There above the treeline, we wore fleece and shivered in the fierce wind, though we had been in shorts and T-shirts down in Estes Park.

We were surrounded by the alpine tundra — tiny blue-purple, yellow and white flowers pushed through the hardy grasses and scattered rocks, a reminder to me that beauty exists even in the harshest conditions.

And that life’s goodness comes back, even through the most painful of memories.

Generations.

Death and life.

Grief and joy.

Mourning and ... going on with life.

I took a copy of the Kaddish prayer from my purse and there, on top of the mountain, we three recited the words in memory of my father-in-law, praising God, praising life.

It was a very holy place.

From the road...

(Written on Thursday, June 28)

Riding on I-70, headed eastward. Crying as we drove over the Missisippi, because I had just put in a disk in the computer and discovered that it worked. It was a disk of photos that a very kind woman had put together, a slideshow of photographs of Penecost programs at Grace Church, all programs that my good friend Kit designed. There she is, in her element, surrounded by people, butterflies and balloons. Carol Nuss put together the slideshow and they showed it at Grace Episcopal on Pentecost. Dean Sally told me that people watched it with tears in their eyes, but laughing, too. I was so relieved to see that the disk worked in my Mac, because she had put it together with a Windows program. And it worked, just fine. After we came down from Pike's Peak the other day, we drove to Carol's house, up by Garden of the Gods, to get that disk. (She's making a more edited one for Phil, with the music of James Galway playing "Wind Beneath My Wings." She showed it to me when I came to get the CD, and we held hands and watched it, both with tears. I never met her before but we were bound by our caring for Kit...)

I'm going to use the photos to make a notebook for each of the kids and Phil, and one for me, with the beautiful photos of Kit at church, and also the material from her application to become a deacon....an autobiography that she wrote and the answers from the committee which evaluated her application to become a deacon. It's lovely stuff, to keep and treasure. I never realized what a big deal it was, her being accepted to study to be a deacon.

I checked the other night; a plane ticket between Indy and Colorado Springs is only about $229 round-trip. Why didn't I go to see her more often? It makes me sick to think that I could have and didn't.

I hope that both my girls can join me to go out for the Rocky Mountain Women's Film Festival, the first weekend of November. I wrote to another old friend of Kit's and asked her if she could come as well, perhaps with her daughter.

We are now 220 miles from Indianapolis, so will arrive home late tonight. It's 7:10 Indiana time.

We are driving home a couple of days early because my mom was in the hospital this week, getting blood transfusions. I don't think they know what caused her anemia and to have some internal bleeding, evidently, but the situation seems to be better. She has had an EKG, a colonoscopy and an x-ray of her colon. So, she is back at home at Redbud Hills.

She knows that I will not be over to see her till tomorrow morning.

My emotions are so on the surface, after spending time at the Webster house. Phil and the kids were great, and we felt totally at home and had good times with each of them. But, I realized that I had to face Kit's death head-on, being there. It was somewhat easier at home, to pretend that she didn't die.

Phil and Jordie got along great, which made me feel good. We hiked and had meals togehter and hung out...Maddie and Abby and I went on a "ghost tour" at the haunted Stanley Hotel in Estes Park (the hotel inspired Stephen King to write "The Shining"). We all went on Timber Ridge Drive, beyond Estes Park, up to the fierce winds and glorious views much higher up. And I felt so good that I did a bunch of hiking....even though I was short of breath, I consciously breathed slowly and deeply and felt OK.

Time together in the car is even good. Just hanging out.

...and more Colorado adventures

An outlook on Timber Ridge Road, then the very highest point we went -- a little over 12,000 feet, then Jordie and Abby at the water clock at Royal Gorge, then Abby and Maddie at the haunted Stanley Hotel in Estes Peak!

Colorado adventures

Alpine flowers, up above the tree line, on the day we drove up from Estes Park on the Timber Ridge Road...then a baby white buffalo and a mom and baby buffalo at the Royal Gorge zoo, then Jordie and Abby at an outlook high on Timber Ridge Road...

(Featuring the beautiful and talented Amalia Shifriss!) Paul McCartney - Starbucks Global Listening Event EPK Part 1

OK, test of true friendship! Watch this video from youtube.com and you can see a couple of brief views of our beautiful golden girl Amalia, dancing around at the Starbucks where she works in Sherman Oaks, on the occasion of the release of Paul McCartney's new album. She's dancing around (on the right) at 2:14 into the video and she's standing around with her fellow employees (she's wearing braids, at left) at 3:34 into the video. You can move the little thing at the bottom of the screen to fast-forward to those spots!

Hillary Clinton Sopranos Spoof.

This is funny, even if, like me, one only heard about the Sopranos final episode! I like it that they did a spoof!

Pretty red rocks

Today I visited Nancy (Kit's mom) and Ferd in the morning. Abby came with me. We ended up staying for lunch. Nancy and I cried a few times.

This afternoon Em came over and took us to Garden of the Gods -- incredibly beautiful red rock formations. We walked, Jordie kept taking photographs, Em and I had some really good talks. In some ways, she reminds me so much of Kit -- the way she takes care of people, organizes things. She's really kind and beautiful. And her beautiful little nose stud actually looks really nice, which may influence my ban on Abby getting one...It is so unfair that Kit did not live to see their beautiful kids get married and have children and take their places in the world.

Anyway, we went walking around in Manitou Springs and looked at the cute little stores...Em made strawberry/rhubarb pie for dessert tonight and she had already made a big pasta dish ahead of time....then after dinner, the guys made a fire and we sat around...now we're watcing The Big Lebowski with Miles...

At the Webster house...

This is Abby with Annie, the darling Irish terrier.

We arrived at the Webster house yesterday, after a fine day of driving. Amazing how easy a cross-country drive can be when the youngest person in the car is 15! (I remember driving home from Colorado many years ago with a six-year-old and a two-year-old in the car, and memories of that trip are not so tranquil!) We really had a good time traveling together, though, and as we got close to Colorado, Jordie had to hop out of the car to take photos of antelope!

Dinner last night with Phil, Emily, Maddie, Miles and Maddie's boyfriend, Brad. Then, after dinner Phil and Jordie and I hiked in Palmer Park, a wild and beautiful place! High above the twinkling lights of the city, we walked along horse tracks, saw mountain bikers and Ponderosa pines and lots of wild yucca.

Oh, and Maddie made beautiful gourmet strawberry cupcakes for dessert last night -- with homemade icing and strawberries on top. Maybe I can have one for breakfast!

Just a moment to write...

...because we're getting ready to leave and drive to Colorado in the early morning...this morning I ran over to my office to fax an insurance paper to Sandy and leave a note for Carol about the time cards; ran over to drop a load of stuff I'd been collecting for Salvation Army; then, as I started to drive east to pick up my mom and go to Brown County to pick up Abby and Whitney from Camp Palowopec, I was behind a pickup on Grimes Lane which ran a stop sign and hit a car at Grimes and Washington so I jumped out with the ever-handy reporters notebook I keep in my purse and gave the older couple who'd gotten hit my name and cell phone number and told them I had seen it clearly and that the pickup guy had clearly run the stop sign (inside my car, I was saying to myself "Oh, my God — he's not going to stop for that sign!" and he didn't, even though he was telling the older couple "Oh, yes, I sure did stop at that sign and I had the right of way" and I looked him in the eye and said "You sure didn't and I saw everything!")and the policeman called me on my cell and I gave my report over the phone while driving to Brown County and then the girls were still asleep when Mom and I got there and we had to wait an hour and then it was too late to follow our tradition and eat breakfast at the Hob Nob in Nashville after camp pick up because Jordie had to have the van back because he saw something he didn't like in the engine (which turned out to be OK) and they would look at it if he got the van over there by 11:30 so we drove back to our house, changed cars and then went to the Village Deli and stuffed ourselves! and I still have to:

• put labels on a bulk mailing of 400 postcards
• address about 30 personalized letters I did to invite people to be on the Membership Committee at Beth Shalom this year
• pack my suitcase
• put together enough reading material for two weeks
• put away a mountain of laundry
• clean sheets on the bed
• get a box ready to mail to Zohar
• call Sandy about a fax and whether it went through
• run to the grocery to get chicken and ice cream for Adam to have while we are gone
• run over to visit with Mom before we go
• run one more load of laundry...

AND...

• give up on making the house any more organized before we go!
• give up on vacuuming out the car!

BUT FIRST I'M GOING TO ... take a nap!

Snapshot of today

Jordie, Judy, Amalia, Adam, Abby, Lynne. In front, Matthew and Megan, Amalia's college friend, now teaching in Chicago.














Moshe Avraham, the jeweler. He looks like a person I would like to have known.

















I've realized that I haven't blogged in quite awhile, so am pasting a copy of a letter I wrote to our cousin Zohar today...

Adam is coming over in a while, to help me understand how to use our grill. We have some tuna steaks and some chicken. He’s at a meeting at the library right now; he took three classes in summer school so that he can graduate on time next year. He will be gone the fall semester, doing an internship with the General Accounting Office in Washington, D.C. It’s through the School of Public and Environmental Affairs, where he is majoring in Public Policy. Adam lives in a house near campus, with two other boys, and we don’t see him often enough!

I hear Jordie’s car outside the window. He’s sitting, listening to something on NPR before he comes in.

I went over to Red Bud Hills this afternoon; that’s a retirement residence where my mom lives now, just a mile away from our house. Lou and Lenny Newman were playing piano and accordian, which they do every month. They retired to Bloomington a long time ago, and they are very involved with the School of Music. But the songs they played today were not classical – they were sweet old songs that my mom and I (and others) sang along to, like “Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do – I’m half crazy, all for the love of you…” and selections from Fiddler on the Roof and Mary Poppins and ragtime and polka music and finally, the IU fight song! I know them from Beth Shalom, and I think I’m going to make a contribution in their honor, so it’ll say in the bulletin “To Lenny and Lou, for the beautiful music they make!”

I had a column in the paper on Saturday; I write occasional columns for the religion page. I will paste it below.

*******************************
Thinking about Religion

By our silence, do we betray our faith?

By Lynne Foster Shifriss

June 9, 2007

I hope that the way I behave in my daily life is in tune with my religious beliefs.

I hope that.

Sometimes, though, I wonder just how far I am from that ideal.

I recently let a comment go by when I should have said something.

Someone asked me if I could believe that anyone would say that Jesus loves gays.

I stood, frozen. I pretended I hadn’t heard. I said something inane and steered the talk in another direction.

In my silence, I felt terrible.

Because, in my religion, being gay is just fine.

I am a liberal Jew, a member of a Reform congregation.

From the Reform Judaism Web site:
We believe that all human beings are created in the image of God, and that we are God’s partners in improving the world. Tikkun olam — repairing the world — is a hallmark of Reform Judaism as we strive to bring peace, freedom, and justice to all people.

And more:
Reform Jews are also committed to the full participation of gays and lesbians in synagogue life as well as society at large.

I believe that. So how could I be silent?

Just as important, I have three really good friends who are in long-term same-sex relationships. Each of those relationships would be envied by many heterosexuals — I’ve never seen more loving and kind partnerships.

By my silence, did I betray friendship?

Uncomfortably, I thought later of what I wished I could have said: “Oh, I thought Jesus loved everybody, but then I guess I wouldn’t know, because I’m Jewish.”

Later that weekend, in the New York Times, I read how a young man had started to wear his kippah (a skullcap, worn by many Jews as a sign of respect for God) all the time: He explained that he started wearing a skullcap while teaching a class on prejudice. His students had pointed out that Jews can usually hide their minority status, but African-Americans cannot. “Jews can pass,” he said, “so I took away the option of passing.”

I thought — that’s what I had done. I had passed.

Because it was easier, I had let that person think that what was said was OK with me.

After I read about the young man wearing his kippah all the time, I thought that if I had only been wearing my kippah or a Star of David, perhaps that person who dared to speak for Jesus would not have assumed that we shared common beliefs.

Lynne Foster Shifriss is assistant to the editor at The Herald-Times.
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Did Jordie tell you that I discovered, on the Internet a second cousin of his? Her name is Judy, and she lives in Chicago with her husband Shlomo. She is a nurse and he is an allergist. They met in the med school at Hebrew University. They have three daughters, all married with children. Her father was Shoshana’s first cousin. Her grandfather was the jeweler who made exquisite pieces, some for royalty. I will paste a picture we took in Chicago last summer of our family with Judy and her grandson, Matthew. You can see how tall Adam is now! Also I will paste a picture of Judy’s grandfather, the jeweler. The inscription says “Work is the joy of life.”

We are driving to Colorado next week to stay with friends. One of my dearest friends from college died suddenly in January (of a heart attack) and we will stay at their house and take some day trips into the beautiful mountains…Phil, her husband, was my boyfriend for a year in college. We broke up, and later they got together. (OK, I had to have some counseling about that! But I treasured her friendship, so I got over it and we’ve all seen each other many times over the years.) They have a 21-year-old daughter and 16-year-old twins. One twin, Maddie, plays the harp and I’ve been trying to get her to come back with us – there is a Harp Festival at the School of Music in July.

After we get back from Colorado, I’m going to hop on a plane and visit Amalia in Los Angeles for a few days…I want to walk on the beach and fix dinner together and just hang out with our girl…

Abby has been saying to Jordie that he needs to take her to Israel, that she was too young to remember all the relatives from our last trip… Abby is at camp in Brown County this week, and the house is quiet. I think I will go and have a cup of tea and ask my sweet husband how his day went…and I will paste those pictures in.

Golden time of day

Jordie happily gardening in our front yard, late Sunday afternoon, in the last golden light of the day.

Whoever it was who made the front yard into a glorious perennial garden...I am so happy they did! It's glorious!

Wonderful new fireplace!

Our new fireplace is more beautiful than I could have dreamed. The light wood is beautiful with the blue-grey tiles, and the lines are soft and rounded, just as I described my wish to Roger Kugler... a supremely talented man (www.hoosierworks.com).

Roger also took off the tile that I had very badly attempted to put up (an episode which turned a fairly competent 52-year-old into a sniveling, sweating, totally and completely humiliated person hiding under the bedcovers in shame at the mess I had made), and re-tiled beautifully...evidently he still has to grout and then it will be finished and it is just perfect!

The menorah on the mantle at left is from Shoshana and Oved's house, and we have it in a photo of Jordie when he was very small.

Two Grumpy mugs!

Amalia bought me this Grumpy mug at Disneyland -- I can't imagine why!

So while I was running a program on my computer at work I took this photo of myself and the Grumpy mug with my cell phone and sent it to her, saying "I love my Grumpy mug!"

What a day...

My mom had Jordie take her to the walk-in clinic at Internal Medicine Associates Friday morning for bronchitis. Just as luck would have it, the doctor staffing the walk-in was Rebecca Cohen, my mom's new doctor, who she likes very much. Rebecca sent her to the hospital because of an irregular heartbeat. So, Mom was in the hospital all weekend -- they said she had pneumonia and had had a minor heart attack. She got a stent Monday morning.

Jordie was going to stay at the hopital with mom, so I took the opportunity in the late morning to go to work for a couple of hours. As I left, I pulled into Starbucks to get coffee. Flat tire. Really flat. AAA doesn't come unless one is able to be there with the car. And I had to get to the hospital to be with Mom.

So, Jordie came, picked me up and dropped me off at the hospital. (The nice clerk at Starbucks gave me my coffee for free when I explained about the car sitting there.)

The kids have been so great. Amalia calls my mom every day, and calls me to check in. That means a lot. And it cheers my mom up so much to kid around with her.

Then, Adam finished an exam, went to our house to pick up his AAA card, went to Starbucks and hung out until the car was fixed, then came to the hospital and visited, then took me to my car.

Abby got out of school and called me. I explained that I could not pick her up because at the time, I had no car. She said she would figure it out. She took the city bus, got a transfer, and asked what bus to take to get to the hospital. So she walked in and hung out and did her homework while we hung out with Mom.

And Jordie -- well, it's sufficient to say that my mom says about 10 times a day how lucky I am to have a husband like him.

Lynne's column about Mary

Two really funny people died recently. Art Buchwald was one. As much as I liked his witty political and social satire, I was really moved by his decision, along with friends Mike Wallace and William Styron, to be public about each of their battles with depression.

The ability to share one’s biggest problems, most threatening experiences, is a gift to others.

Which makes me think of the other funny person – Mary Catherine Webster -- my friend since our freshman days at Forest Quad in 1972. An Irish wit and storyteller, she attracted friends like a magnet.

We took several Religious Studies classes together during our years at IU, each on a quest to find our spiritual home. Eventually, she changed from her childhood Catholicism to Episcopalianism. I converted to Judaism. We often spoke of what a favorite religion professor, Anne Carr, had said: that the kind of questions you’re asking are more important than the answers you think you’ve found at any given time.

I think our friendship endured because we were always asking the same kinds of questions. And, if we had talked a week ago or a month ago, our conversations never failed to illuminate the important things -- where we were going, what we had learned, our goals, our hopes -- sometimes, our weaknesses. And always with laughter.

When I visited Mary last fall, I spent Sunday morning at Grace Church in Colorado Springs, watching her as she worked with teachers and students in her job as Director of Religious Education there. (We joked about how well she had put that degree in Religious Studies to use!)

In January, as she began a workshop for her Sunday School teachers, she prayed: “Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory” before she became too short of breath to continue. She did not survive a massive heart attack that day.

For Mary, interest in politics and thoughtfulness about material goods and charitable giving was a natural extension of her spiritual life. To observe her 50th birthday a couple of years ago, she wrote a letter to women friends asking them to contribute to charity instead of a gift; and began a course of study which would have resulted in her becoming a lay deacon of the Episcopal Church, a role in which ministering individually to people plays a big part.

How does thinking of Mary Catherine Webster connect to Art Buchwald, besides their ability to make life more colorful by the stories they told?

During our sophomore year in college, I was very, very depressed – enough to skip a couple weeks of class, weeping, feeling sorry for myself, wrapped in my wounded pride.

Mary was the friend who called and said “I love you and I want to be friends forever. But if you don’t call today and get yourself into some counseling, our friendship is over.”

I got the counseling. It changed my thinking. It gave me the tools to recognize, later in life, when I again needed some help.

Just as Art Buchwald called Mike Wallace every night when Wallace was on the road, helping him to make it through his depression, Mary was the one who gave me the push to make it through mine.

She would have made a great deacon.


Lynne Foster Shifriss is assistant to the editor of The Herald-Times.

Note: A favorite book of mine is “Seems Like Yesterday,” by Ann McGarry Buchwald, about their romance and lives together in Paris in the ’50s. You can find used copies on Amazon.

Just life

Fairyland: the ice sparkling in treetops
















View from Lynne's window at home

















New blouse, bought last week at Chico's at the outlet mall north of Malibu -- originally $88, and I got it for $8.95, and it perfectly goes with my rust tank dress!

Mary Webster, but always "Kit" to me

Lynne and Kit, just as she dropped me off at the Denver airport, November 2006. Took this photo with my cell phone.




When Abby said that Emily Webster was on the phone at 11 at night, my heart froze. And Emily told me that her mom had died last night of a massive heart attack. I was wearing my "Rocky Mountain Women's Film Festival" tee-shirt last night, because wearing it made me smile. It made me remember the weekend I spent with Kit, the first weekend in November. We laughed the whole weekend. We fiddled around on their computer. I went to church with her while she did her job -- she was coordinator of the religious school for a big Episcopalian church in Colorado Springs. We spent all day Saturday at the film festival. We went and had supper at the restaurant where Emily works. We laughed around the dining room table with Miles about politics. Kit asked Maddy to play the harp for me. I was going to go every year for the film festival. I promised.

I met Kit our freshman year in Forest Quad. I could see right away that she was like a magnet; she drew people to her because she was more fun than anybody else. And when one night I introduced Phil, my freshman boyfriend, to her -- he said, as we left her room "She's overweight." And she was, always, even though she was athletic and ate really well. I said to him, "The second time you talk to her you'll never notice that, because she's the most fun person there is." And later, after Phil and I had broken up, Kit and Phil got together. They laughed more together than any couple I have ever known. And Kit and I agreed, many times, that things had turned out just the way they were meant to be.

But Kit was a lot more than that. She was the kind of friend who would be honest. One time during college, I was really depressed. And when she called, I pretty much whined on the phone about how miserable I was. I was really wallowing. And she said "You are one of my best friends. I love you dearly. But if you don't get some counseling, I don't want to see you again. Now get in there!" And I did get some counseling, and it was really helpful.

I am so glad to have had that really fun weekend with her in November. And I am so sorry that her kids will not have her there for them -- the twins are only 15 and Emily is just 20 or 21. How can it be that Kit, who organized and ran things and had better ideas than anybody else on how to do just about anything -- how can it be that she will not be there?

A Jewlarious quiz

about who's Jewish and who's not! Just click here...

Really, really time to change

Although I have a sore throat, coughing, chills and aches all over, I have done a couple of things to get the New Year started right. (Jordie had to work today taking care of his elderly clients and left a very kind message this morning on the charming little ceramic message board that the Bensons gave to us: "Sadie is walked and fed.") It was great of him to take care of the morning dog routine, because that is my job...so I wrote a note for the front door and sent email messages to several mom friends, asking that they not take their daughters home (from the New Year's Eve overnight with several girls) until the downstairs was cleaned up...(I stayed in bed in my office/guest room and was nowhere near the girls, who stayed with Abby downstairs last night.) I also loaded and ran the dishwasher and cleaned out the sink, made myself breakfast. THEN I went to the computer and signed up for Weightwatchers. I am also going to join Ann Smith's support group for losing weight. This is the semester for getting it together on this weight thing. I am heavier right now than I have ever been, and I think that accountability is the answer. It is all too easy for me to fool myself. Time to change! And now time to get back to bed and sleep...