Feeling good

Not only good, but giddily, happily, toe-wigglingly good! And it's not the Lortab speaking; I've taken much less of it today than I have daily for the last month. The only way I could survive lately was to be on steroids and Lortab. I have one herniated cervical disk; another three are merely "bulging disks." But hey, that's enough to cause excruciating (and I mean I would rather go through childbirth again rather than experience this) in my neck, shoulder and arm, with hand numb and tingling. So that I would be sitting at my desk, holding my arm to try and stop the pain, trying to work.

The other day, after I had run out of the painkiller, I could feel myself at work, feeling distant from my tasks, slipping away mentally because the pain was just so intense. I was really losing it.

However, my visit (and Jordie came, because I asked him to) to Dr. Marshall Poor, really defied my expectations. He's a neurosurgeon, but he did not push me into surgery. Instead, we are trying drugs and physical therapy, and seeing how I do. Maybe the situation will be healed with just that.

And walking through our living room and kitchen, it is such a good memory to think of friends from the renewal group at synagogue being here yesterday morning. It makes me smile to think of Carolyn swinging on our porch swing. And sitting on our back porch talking and enjoying the great food from the potluck...and the wonderful service which Bruce David led...a golden morning. And guess what? Both Jordie and I were not well enough to do things which we would normally do if company were coming: the back yard grass was not cut recently, the bathroom was not cleaned, the bedroom had laundry baskets full of clothes. And, I think nobody cared.

I am not allowing the tense situation in my volunteer life to devour me anymore. I am just not. I was defensive and sad and angry and just eaten up with it. It had to do with personnel decisions. It was awful. And sad. But now, I'm just not consumed. Everyone involved is a grownup. People make decisions. From those come more decisions. We did what we had to do in that situation and it's time to move on from it.

And to move on from this dreadful month of pain. Thank God for this new drug, Lyrica, that Dr. Poor put me on. I have no pain in my arm. I feel like me. Hallejeujah.

Well, last night I WAS too out of it to be at Lotus Festival with Jordie. I had to ask him to bring me home, and then he went back to Lotus by himself. I was just dizzy and out of it. But I had just started on the new drug Friday and I was not used to it. It was making me dizzy and drowsy, and with the Lortab, which can also do that...it was too much. Jordie brought me home and I fell asleep in the chair, still in my clothes, and stayed that way all night.

But today, I didn't have to take nearly as much Lortab. And I haven't felt nearly as dizzy and drowsy. Really, it's like a miracle. I am so grateful for everything good in my life right now. As Grandma used to say "Thank God for a normal day."