Not only good, but giddily, happily, toe-wigglingly good! And it's not the Lortab speaking; I've taken much less of it today than I have daily for the last month. The only way I could survive lately was to be on steroids and Lortab. I have one herniated cervical disk; another three are merely "bulging disks." But hey, that's enough to cause excruciating (and I mean I would rather go through childbirth again rather than experience this) in my neck, shoulder and arm, with hand numb and tingling. So that I would be sitting at my desk, holding my arm to try and stop the pain, trying to work.
The other day, after I had run out of the painkiller, I could feel myself at work, feeling distant from my tasks, slipping away mentally because the pain was just so intense. I was really losing it.
However, my visit (and Jordie came, because I asked him to) to Dr. Marshall Poor, really defied my expectations. He's a neurosurgeon, but he did not push me into surgery. Instead, we are trying drugs and physical therapy, and seeing how I do. Maybe the situation will be healed with just that.
And walking through our living room and kitchen, it is such a good memory to think of friends from the renewal group at synagogue being here yesterday morning. It makes me smile to think of Carolyn swinging on our porch swing. And sitting on our back porch talking and enjoying the great food from the potluck...and the wonderful service which Bruce David led...a golden morning. And guess what? Both Jordie and I were not well enough to do things which we would normally do if company were coming: the back yard grass was not cut recently, the bathroom was not cleaned, the bedroom had laundry baskets full of clothes. And, I think nobody cared.
I am not allowing the tense situation in my volunteer life to devour me anymore. I am just not. I was defensive and sad and angry and just eaten up with it. It had to do with personnel decisions. It was awful. And sad. But now, I'm just not consumed. Everyone involved is a grownup. People make decisions. From those come more decisions. We did what we had to do in that situation and it's time to move on from it.
And to move on from this dreadful month of pain. Thank God for this new drug, Lyrica, that Dr. Poor put me on. I have no pain in my arm. I feel like me. Hallejeujah.
Well, last night I WAS too out of it to be at Lotus Festival with Jordie. I had to ask him to bring me home, and then he went back to Lotus by himself. I was just dizzy and out of it. But I had just started on the new drug Friday and I was not used to it. It was making me dizzy and drowsy, and with the Lortab, which can also do that...it was too much. Jordie brought me home and I fell asleep in the chair, still in my clothes, and stayed that way all night.
But today, I didn't have to take nearly as much Lortab. And I haven't felt nearly as dizzy and drowsy. Really, it's like a miracle. I am so grateful for everything good in my life right now. As Grandma used to say "Thank God for a normal day."
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
love and politics
Our daughter Amalia and her honey, David Hamilton "with our Obama/McCain cookies from Portos, our favorite bakery. [in Los Angeles] They are keeping a poll there as to how many of each cookies sells."
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Friday, September 05, 2008
What a week!
Sitting in my little office, feeling about as happy as can be, listening to the crickets. It's cool tonight; the windows are open. Jordie is in his office, putzing around, and Abby at a friend's house for a while.
Shabbat Shalom.
Shabbat peace.
It's so real I can almost hold it in my hand.
And it feels so good that, well, I could almost get tears in my eyes. So good to be here and now.
So now, with Diana Krall's Live in Paris album playing on iTunes, I'll relax for a few minutes and tell you all about it...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last week, I went to the walk-in clinic at Internal Medicine Associates. My neck, shoulder and arm were so painful. It made me think of an episode last winter when I had actually gone to the emergency room on a Friday night, after a 12-hour day of working at my computer intensely. I was afraid, at that time, that I might be having symptoms of a heart attack. They tested me, no heart problems, and I got an ergonomic keyboard at my office and took my "back chair" to work.
But then, it started recently to happen again. At IMA last week, they gave me a cortisone shot and told me to stretch and take ibuprophen. That was Tuesday.
By last Friday, my neck, shoulder and arm were so painful that I could not stand it. I was literally clutching my arm all the time, sometimes with tears in my eyes. I took ibuprophen. I used heat. I used ice. My arm felt as if it were on fire, all the way down to the hand, which was numb.
I think that probably a contributing factor was a very tense situation that I have been involved in lately, not at work but in a volunteer capacity. The situation made my heart ache, took a huge amount of time, and made me angry. I had to go to a meeting last Friday involving that situation and the pain was so intense I could hardly bear it. And I could hardly bear going to my meeting, either.
Just at the end of my meeting, I was told that Jordie had thrown out his back while teaching at Gan Shalom, the preschool at our synagogue, Beth Shalom. I drove him home. He had to crawl part-way into our house, he was in so much pain. I left him lying on the bed in my little office, with a sandwich, drink and the remote. I returned to work.
But after a while, my pages were almost done and I couldn't ignore the pain. I returned to IMA, where they gave me a steroid shot and a shot of Demerol. I was not allowed to drive home after that, so my friend Didi came and drove me home. I had to leave the car there. And Jordie's car was left at Beth Shalom!
Anne Steigerwald brought dinner over to us that night, and visited.
I started taking Prednisone and Lortab. The Lortab really affected me. I can barely walk down the stairs while on that stuff. And I drove to Kroger's on Sunday because we really needed a few things, and almost hit a car. So, for a few days after that, I took the meds and laid low at home! I was so out of it that a dear friend of mine, Vicki, had a death in her family, and I haven't even seen her yet...(but we're going to see Mamma Mia! together tomorrow afternoon...)
Tuesday I had an MRI. I didn't like being in that tube during the MRI, and especially with the loud banging sounds. I fantasized that I was in Times Square with Leslie and our old friend Kathie Mahoney, who lives in Manhattan. I thought, "OK, there's a jackhammer going, but we're headed for the half-price ticket booth to see what Broadway show we can get tickets for tonight..." I fantasized really hard. And the MRI lasted for about 45 minutes.
To top it off, Jordie has been recovering, slowly, from his severe back strain. And Abby has been sick with a bug this week as well.
The next day, I learned that the MRI showed I have four "bulging discs," numbers C4-7. I have an appointment with a neurosurgeon, but not till Oct. 3. Until then, I'm to avoid lifting heavy things, stretch a lot, take ibuprophen and finish my course of Prednisone. And get more if I need it.
But I've made an appointment with Jim Shoemaker, a wonderful osteopath, for Saturday. He's done wonders for my back before, and I'm hopeful that I can avoid having surgery...
I'm also going to get Jordie to start doing an official chi-gong class with me at least once per week.
I'm going to eat sensibly, and come home and take a rest in the middle of the day. And get back to walking with Malinda and Sue and other friends who want to...
I felt, today, even though I have stopped taking the Lortab, that I was walking, and even thinking, as if moving through mud. I skipped having lunch. I worked till almost 8:30 p.m. So that was a lesson, because now I am sore and achy.
Though it was a long day, I came home and there was some delicious vegetable dish that Jordie made last night in the fridge, so I put a bit of cheese of top and nuked it, then sprinkled it with red pepper flakes and Jordie and I sat down together at our kitchen table at 8:45 p.m., looked at each other and smiled and said "Shabbat Shalom," then proceeded to relax and watch PBS and eat.
This week has also been full of worry and tension about the aforementioned situation, but I have done my best to stay clear, to only say what I really mean...I have given in to defensiveness and anger at times, but am being very conscious of trying to keep issues clear and work through them, one at a time.
And I am sitting here thinking that life, at this moment, is pretty good. I am lucky to be who I am, lucky to be where I am, lucky to have the friends and family that I have, lucky to have learned some things that helped me through this week -- in physical and mental and emotional challenges -- and look forward to learning more, look forward to being more disciplined about my exercise and my weight and my state of mind.
Shabbat Shalom. Good night.
Shabbat Shalom.
Shabbat peace.
It's so real I can almost hold it in my hand.
And it feels so good that, well, I could almost get tears in my eyes. So good to be here and now.
So now, with Diana Krall's Live in Paris album playing on iTunes, I'll relax for a few minutes and tell you all about it...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last week, I went to the walk-in clinic at Internal Medicine Associates. My neck, shoulder and arm were so painful. It made me think of an episode last winter when I had actually gone to the emergency room on a Friday night, after a 12-hour day of working at my computer intensely. I was afraid, at that time, that I might be having symptoms of a heart attack. They tested me, no heart problems, and I got an ergonomic keyboard at my office and took my "back chair" to work.
But then, it started recently to happen again. At IMA last week, they gave me a cortisone shot and told me to stretch and take ibuprophen. That was Tuesday.
By last Friday, my neck, shoulder and arm were so painful that I could not stand it. I was literally clutching my arm all the time, sometimes with tears in my eyes. I took ibuprophen. I used heat. I used ice. My arm felt as if it were on fire, all the way down to the hand, which was numb.
I think that probably a contributing factor was a very tense situation that I have been involved in lately, not at work but in a volunteer capacity. The situation made my heart ache, took a huge amount of time, and made me angry. I had to go to a meeting last Friday involving that situation and the pain was so intense I could hardly bear it. And I could hardly bear going to my meeting, either.
Just at the end of my meeting, I was told that Jordie had thrown out his back while teaching at Gan Shalom, the preschool at our synagogue, Beth Shalom. I drove him home. He had to crawl part-way into our house, he was in so much pain. I left him lying on the bed in my little office, with a sandwich, drink and the remote. I returned to work.
But after a while, my pages were almost done and I couldn't ignore the pain. I returned to IMA, where they gave me a steroid shot and a shot of Demerol. I was not allowed to drive home after that, so my friend Didi came and drove me home. I had to leave the car there. And Jordie's car was left at Beth Shalom!
Anne Steigerwald brought dinner over to us that night, and visited.
I started taking Prednisone and Lortab. The Lortab really affected me. I can barely walk down the stairs while on that stuff. And I drove to Kroger's on Sunday because we really needed a few things, and almost hit a car. So, for a few days after that, I took the meds and laid low at home! I was so out of it that a dear friend of mine, Vicki, had a death in her family, and I haven't even seen her yet...(but we're going to see Mamma Mia! together tomorrow afternoon...)
Tuesday I had an MRI. I didn't like being in that tube during the MRI, and especially with the loud banging sounds. I fantasized that I was in Times Square with Leslie and our old friend Kathie Mahoney, who lives in Manhattan. I thought, "OK, there's a jackhammer going, but we're headed for the half-price ticket booth to see what Broadway show we can get tickets for tonight..." I fantasized really hard. And the MRI lasted for about 45 minutes.
To top it off, Jordie has been recovering, slowly, from his severe back strain. And Abby has been sick with a bug this week as well.
The next day, I learned that the MRI showed I have four "bulging discs," numbers C4-7. I have an appointment with a neurosurgeon, but not till Oct. 3. Until then, I'm to avoid lifting heavy things, stretch a lot, take ibuprophen and finish my course of Prednisone. And get more if I need it.
But I've made an appointment with Jim Shoemaker, a wonderful osteopath, for Saturday. He's done wonders for my back before, and I'm hopeful that I can avoid having surgery...
I'm also going to get Jordie to start doing an official chi-gong class with me at least once per week.
I'm going to eat sensibly, and come home and take a rest in the middle of the day. And get back to walking with Malinda and Sue and other friends who want to...
I felt, today, even though I have stopped taking the Lortab, that I was walking, and even thinking, as if moving through mud. I skipped having lunch. I worked till almost 8:30 p.m. So that was a lesson, because now I am sore and achy.
Though it was a long day, I came home and there was some delicious vegetable dish that Jordie made last night in the fridge, so I put a bit of cheese of top and nuked it, then sprinkled it with red pepper flakes and Jordie and I sat down together at our kitchen table at 8:45 p.m., looked at each other and smiled and said "Shabbat Shalom," then proceeded to relax and watch PBS and eat.
This week has also been full of worry and tension about the aforementioned situation, but I have done my best to stay clear, to only say what I really mean...I have given in to defensiveness and anger at times, but am being very conscious of trying to keep issues clear and work through them, one at a time.
And I am sitting here thinking that life, at this moment, is pretty good. I am lucky to be who I am, lucky to be where I am, lucky to have the friends and family that I have, lucky to have learned some things that helped me through this week -- in physical and mental and emotional challenges -- and look forward to learning more, look forward to being more disciplined about my exercise and my weight and my state of mind.
Shabbat Shalom. Good night.
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