My worst fault

So. The last couple of days I've been STEAMING MAD, HURT, HAD TROUBLE SLEEPING...and for what? Jordie took Abby away for a couple of days -- a spring break trip, a reward for working really, really hard getting her bedroom cleaned out and reassembled to facilitate installing the new carpet.

Jordie and I had a recent conversation about how he only likes to get calls on his cell in an emergency, and how he often has it turned off.

Of course, I do get calls from him sometimes -- calls rearranging an appointment, wondering where I am, etc. Calls that make life a little bit more convenient.

So I already had an agenda going.

Jordie and Abby get ready to leave Wednesday, and he casually mentioned "We may go to Red River Gorge instead of the Shawnee National Forest." I say "Let me know."

Later that day there was a glitch about money being tranferred into Adam's account for a car repair, and I called Abby's cell phone and was grouchy with them about having to work out that glitch.

That night, when I tried to call both Jordie and Abby's cell phones, they both immediately went to voice mail.

Tried again. Voice mail.

Tried again. Voice mail.

Tried Thursday morning. Voice mail.

Then I got mad.

I ASSUMED that Jordie had said "Turn these damned cell phones off."

I ASSUMED that he cared nothing about whether things were OK at home.

I ASSUMED that he cared nothing about whether I was mad.

I'm walking the dog last night, actually muttering about THAT HUSBAND and HOW COULD HE and HE'D BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON. Even had tears in my eyes. How could he not care?

I left Jordie a message on his phone, a really angry message about what if an emergency happened? And how I don't even know if they're in Illinois or Kentucky?

I talked to Malinda, during our morning walk at the Y. "What if the phones don't work because the car is at the bottom of a lake?"

As I sat drinking coffee and eating a cheese danish at Panera (my life is awful and my husband won't turn on his cell phone and why should i be good -- i deserve that danish!) my cell phone rang. It was Abby.

They were at Red River Gorge. And...the phones didn't work in that area. And they were calling to tell me about the wonderful time they had down there.

Just Wednesday, as I was buying a birthday present for my friend Vicki at Borders, I spotted a little book called The Four Agreements, by a shaman and teacher out west.

One of the Four Agreements (which people should make with themselves, I gather) is to NOT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS.

I need to read that little book very carefully! Because jumping to conclusions is, I feel, my worst fault. I can concoct a whole story so quickly, and convince myself that it is the truth. This one little incident illustrates so well how unhappy I can become, based on a complete fantasy.

Now, I'm going to buy some ice cream to take home and have waiting for my two adventurous travelers, and make a really good dinner for them.

Shabbat shalom.